There is a good chance that you are reading this article, shielding the computer from any lingering eyes with the cursor precisely placed on the minimize button so you can make it disappear at the first sound of foot steps. Talking about masturbation is not something that most people do and although it is part of life, it is a subject that causes much shame and embarrassment. In fact, many people are taught from a young age that masturbation is wrong and something that should be condemned. Parents tell little boys that their penis will fall off if they masturbate and generally try to discourage the behavior as much as possible. When little girls begin to realize their own anatomy and places that ‘feel good’, parents try to abolish it immediately. And while children have no idea what they are doing when they touch themselves or masturbate to put it bluntly, they do realize that they are doing something that makes the adults in their lives uncomfortable. From that point on, it becomes something that is hidden from others – done in the secrecy of the bathroom or behind a locked door as they morally question whether or not masturbation is wrong.
Decades pass and now this little boy and girl are married. They understand the entire concept of masturbation, yet very few discuss it with their partners. Does this mean that it isn’t going on? Absolutely not. Although it is standardly accepted that men masturbate, the truth is that women do it too – throughout their lives. If you look at the amount of vibrators, porn magazines, sexually driven internet sites, lingerie, movies and other products of sex that are being sold each and every day of the year, it is obvious that we are a sexual world. In this world, having a partner is not always possible and even if they are there, they may not always meet a person’s sexual need. Luckily, people have been gifted with the natural ability to pleasure themselves even if it is behind closed doors. And still the question lingers, is masturbation wrong or right.
As a partner, catching your partner masturbating can feel like as much a blow to the heart as if they have cheated. Thoughts immediately go to what your partner was thinking, whom they were thinking of, and why they have to do it in the first place – especially if they have a willing and able partner lying right next to them. But masturbating isn’t cheating. In fact, it is part of our natural make-up as a human being. Ever mammals are able to pleasure themselves sexually and in nature, they do it without regard for what sort of judgment will placed upon them. Instinctively, our bodies are built to create new lives through sexual experiences and as we cycle through hormonal changes and innately sense those going on around us, it is normal to become aroused. Human beings also have the ability to use their minds to heighten the extent of sexual behaviors and as visual creatures, can recreate sexual experiences without actually having them. Let’s also uniformly admit that an orgasm, whether during sex or during masturbating feels incredibly good and can be just what the doctor ordered to get us through our day. It can also help us stay within our relationships for sexual pleasure rather than seek new experiences elsewhere. Just maybe masturbation is the key to keeping marriages faithful.
Countless women and men ask their partners if they still do it? And the response is normally the same…a simple and concise no. Being frank – they are lying. Essentially, we should just stop asking about masturbation and stop being upset about finding the occasional porn magazine lying under the floor mats in the car. Obviously, for some people masturbating can become a problem – especially if they are too absorbed in porn or if it affects their normal physical relationship with their real life partner. However, if most things seem to be okay – it is best to let sleeping dogs lie. If your partner (male or female) seems to be taking extra long in the bathtub or shower, or if they look like a deer caught in the headlights should you walk in on them with their pants undone; it is best to leave it alone. As a couple, if it bothers you, rather than stomping out of the room and allowing yourself to be filled with doubt, disrobe yourself and help your partner meet their sexual needs. By remaining open minded and avoiding thoughts of childhood scolding or religious rules that you may have been taught, you may actually be able to take your relationship to the next, new level of sexual pleasure.
Deciding whether masturbation is right or wrong is a personal decision. Only you can truly understand what your comfort level with the subject is. However, if you feel strongly adverse to masturbation it is not something that you should impose on a partner. Masturbating in a relationship (or without) can actually be a healthy way to release stress and heighten sexual satisfaction. It can be incredibly satisfying for both men and women, whether done alone or assisted and also helps to break the mold of acceptable sexual behavior, allowing you to experience making love with your partner as a whole body and mind encounter. It does not always or often indicate that there is a problem or level of dissatisfaction with a person’s current sex life. In fact, many men and women who have extremely satisfying sex lives, masturbate more because they find themselves aroused more often. As to what a person is thinking when they masturbate, it is truly private. You can ask, but chances are you will never know the truth. The best thing to do is leave it alone and decide that you aren’t going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Instead, decide that you will keep an open mind and extend the same privacy to others as you wish to have yourself.
